Its been a while since I wrote about anything and one of the biggest things that I recently had experienced was going through the temple. Since I've gone through the temple, I've been reminded of a Primary song that I have grown to love and that is "I Love to see the Temple". The words to this simple song is:

I love to see the temple

I'll go inside someday

To feel the holy spirit

To listen and to pray

For the temple is a house of God

A place of love and beauty

I'll prepare myself while I am young

This is my sacred duty

And since going through the temple, the words have meant more to that. Now to me, the song has changed it lyrics to:

I love to see the temple

I went inside today (03-17-2012)

I felt the Holy Spirit

I listened and I prayed

For the temple is a house of God

A place of love and beauty

I've prepared myself since I was young

I'll continue my sacred duties

Brothers and Sisters, there is no better place to be then right there in the temple seeking for direction from our Heavenly Father. Never had I felt more beautiful in my life then wearing that temple dress and doing those ordinances for myself. There surelyis a feeling and a sight to behold in the temple that I can't even begin to describe. But I do tell you this...GO AND SEE for yourselves if you haven't already gone.

Tongaaaa!

In preparation for celebrating the organization of the Relief Society we were assigned into 3 different groups: Fiji, Tonga, and Samoa. Fortunately for me I was assigned into the Tongan group. I was able to learn a tongan taualuga (Sorry if its spelled wrong) and a ma'uluulu. It was such an amazing experience! Not only because I was able to learn something new but because I was able to talk and form friendships with sisters in the ward that I wouldn't have the time for. Through weeks of practicing I learned to love, understand, and appreciate each and everyone of these sister for who they really are. During our perfermance everything fell into place. the drums, the dance, the song! What sealed it together was I know for sure that we all had fun! Words can't explain the gratitude that I have for not only these sisters but for the rest of our Relief Society!

PRAYER

Who am I kidding? I'm not the most perfect person in prayer. But last night as small as my prayer was...it was answered. Sounds cheezy right?! But its true. Last night I had the chance to sing with the Divine Heritage Choir. Great choir, you should look them up! Anyways it was my first time going in MONTHS. I'm not a great singer, thats a given, but last night I landed myself a solo within the first 5 mins of practice. That had me me on all sorts of nervous levels. As practice goes on I'm coughing like you wouldn't believe, most of the practice I was lip singing. As it got closer to the missionary fireside I was ready to bail! How can I possibly sing this solo when I'm having coughing fits on every other word that I attempt to sing? As we filed on to the platform (I guess thats what they call it? idk) and I looked out amongst the audience that was present I couldn't bring myself to do it. But I remembered one thing that the President of the choir had said moments before when we gathered for a prayer in a seperate room. Before we went into the sacrament room she said, "Don't look at the amount of people here, think of those who are meant to be here. I know you guys were all meant to be here because you wouldn't of come if you weren't. Sing for the investigators." With the little confidence that I had I was going to do it. As the meeting started with a prayer I said my own lil prayer that went something like:

"Lord I'm not the best singer..I know, but if you could please cease my coughing til after my solo, I would be sooo grateful. These people need to hear our testimonies of the gospel through our voices. Please bless them as well so that they can have your spirit dwell with them. That they may KNOW we testify of the truth and that we want them to come and enjoy the blessings that we have. PLEASE Lord! In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen".

That was it. It wasn't fancy by any means. As we were going through the program and the feelings of nervousness started creeping back, I kept having to remind myself - TRUST the Lord. I repeatedly said that to myself. Sure enough as it was getting closer to the solo I was just thought that I haven't coughed since after my prayer that I had said earlier. "Thank you Lord, Thank you Lord..." was all I managed to say when our queue for the solo came up. I managed to do the solo. I missed a few notes, was off for the harmony...but I got through it! As the ending notes of the song was being played I remembered the words to a song the Divine Heritage has written and composed themselves. It goes... A prayer is a miracle, in itself is answered by faith. As small as my faith was, and as doubtful as I was..my prayer was answered!

Death.

A 5 letter word that definitely knows how to make its presence known.

Its reaching that year mark where I lost a dear cousin. I would even go so much as saying I lost a sister. Would I be considered a selfish person in saying that knowing that I don't share the same parents or siblings? Anyways, 1-26-2011. A day that shook up my life. This wasn't my first death in my family but it hit me more than I expected. Even to this day I find myself randomly tearing up remembering her. Now would definitely be one of those times. I remember most everything that happened when I got the news: where I was, what I was doing, how I reacted. Its kind of like when something major happens, say 9-11 for instance where you remember the small details that you usuallly wouldn't pay any mind to. I came across a post that I had written when my family and I had returned back to Utah from the funeral.


A Blessing In Disguise
49 weeks ago

It's funny what a death in the family can do. Dealing with a death especially when its someone dear to your heart is something no one expects or wants to happen. As I dealt with the loss of a dear cousin a lot of questions came up as we approached the day of her funeral service. Why? being the common one. But being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints brought a lot of comfort not only to me but also many other friends and family members. To know that we WILL see her again is an amazing blessing within itself. The day that she died no longer became the day that we lost our dear cousin but the day that she went back home to Jesus! She died happy and we wouldn't of had that any other way.The day of her services to have her brothers go up and say that they KNOW that they'll see her again strengthened my testimony. Even to this day...a week after her funeral I still see blessings happen. I hear that a lot of non-members or those members that haven't been to church in awhile are now asking the address to the churches. I love her and I KNOW that I'll see her again! My family is forever and I wouldn't have it any other way...

A year later I still feel the same way. I love my family and all they have to offer. We're not perfect by any mean but I guess that's where we learn and grow together.

Life. What can you do?

The greatest impact so far since the last time that I have truely written about my everyday life is my parents divorce. Yep , I said it! The inevitable "D" word! I don't say this because I want a sympathy party, because truely I don't. To be honest I don't know why I am writing about this. Anyways it happened and life goes on. I thought that I would be devastated or even cry myself to sleep over it, but I didn't. Disappointing isn't it? I wonder if this makes me a heartless person? On top of that I sit and think that my parents were made to be seperated. Its kind of like on those soap operas (yeah I just went there) when the couple is going through this massive, overly dramatic divorce battle and all they can really say is "It just didn't work out.", is basically what I can say for what happened between my parents. Or thats what I like to think when I'm not blaming my parents divorce on myself (remember that trip to Samoa, yep thats a whole new story for another time). Anyways because of the divorce I inherited the responsibilities of what dad's usually do and then some. Paying the mortgage and other bills, driving the kids around, attending parent teacher conferences, taking the cars to get them fixed, etc. As busy and hectic as my days are EVERYDAY has been rewarding. There are days just like a real parent where I get frustrated, overwhelmed, and heck I even cry myself to sleepbut what can I do? I just came to the conclusion to just keep going. There is no other choice. It's either give up, throw the towel in and watch others suffer because of your choices OR you can keep going and hope that better days will come quickly.

Babies!

I love having the babies around. There is something about them that just makes you want to say "Awwww" and even talk to them in a baby voice. I know, you know, what I am talking about. Heck you've probably done it yourself! Its their innocence and curiosity that always makes me go mushy inside. There is something about watching them grow thats amazing and wonderous. My extended family has been blessed with 2 and 2 more on the way! For the time being that is. I'm waiting for the rest of my cousins to start popping out those babies. hahahaah.. Just a word to them- Your not getting any younger you guys!! :p Both have been the joy and highlight of my life as of yet! And I thank their parents for allowing me to be apart of their lives.

Restless nights.

Recently it just felt that I have been a couselor to friends and family with plenty of over-time and no extra pay. I have just been bombarded by these problems that never seem to end.
If you know me then you also know that I take things personal especially when it comes to my friends and family.
I have a friend and he seems to struggle with a certain aspect in his deployment. Granted its something that not many people have to deal with and should never have to deal with. In doing so it seems as if he feels like he is the worst possible person. As a way of protection for himself and others he pushes everyone away. How can I be the person that I am when I can't help? I want to be there for him and I want him to know that as well. In everything that he does whether he realizes it or not portrays struggle and for me to sit there and do nothing is hard. What can a person say in this kind of situation? I can't say that I understand him, because I don't. My mind has given me a restless night over this and could possibly be more restless nights as I try to wrap my head around this and try to help a friend....